It's what's on the inside that counts'
by bumblebee88888
Summary: Pre HBP After Dumbledore discovers he may not survive the coming year, he asks Snape to kill him when the time is right. Snape refuses so Dumbledore decides to give him the Resurrection Stone. What will happen? Read to find out! Please R & R.
1. Chapter 1

'It's what's on the inside that counts…'

A gurgling cauldron was bubbling quietly in the dark, dreary room filled with jars of preserved organs, insects and small mammals. Severus Snape was sitting at his desk, waiting for the currently white potion to turn into the clear, translucent colour of veritaserum. The night before, Dumbledore requested that Snape make some incase he needed it throughout the year. Snape did not question the headmaster at the time but as he sat watching the potion simmer, he wondered why Dumbledore would need veritaserum when his skills at Legilimency were more than sufficient to obtain the truth from any unsuspecting victim. Perhaps there was information he needed from someone? Something important…

Snape's trace of thought was broken when a silver phoenix flew into the room and spoke: "Severus, come to my office immediately. Password is 'chocolate frog'". The phoenix disappeared as Snape leapt off his chair and hurried out of his office. Snape did not know why he was running so fast; his heart was pounding against his chest, beads of sweat trickling down his forehead. Somehow, he knew something was wrong. Thankfully it was still the summer break, no annoying children to avoid.

Snape halted in front of the gargoyle and panted "chocolate frog". The griffin jumped aside as Snape ascended the stairs. Without even knocking, Snape pushed open the door and stopped dead at the sight that greeted him. An old wizard was slumped in his chair, his silvery white beard tangled among his robes, his eyes closed, chest heaving deep, rattling breaths. Without speaking, Snape ran forward examining the headmaster, staring avidly at the dead looking hand, withered and black. Having read about the powerful, deadly curse several times, Snape began to mumble incantations under his breath, his wand in hand. After a few minutes, a beam of blue light exited Snape's wand; he knew the counter curse had worked… for now. Conjuring a cauldron out of thin air, Snape summoned several carefully selected herbs and potions ingredients from his stores and began concocting a golden potion that he tipped down the wizard's throat an hour later. As the old man swallowed the potion, Snape looked up from his cauldron and saw a pair of bright, blue eyes watching him, a smile of thanks clear upon his lined face.

"Thank you, Severus. I don't know what I'd do without you." Dumbledore whispered,

clearly shaken by his injury. Snape stared into Dumbledore's eyes.

"What happened? That curse is one of the most deadly; it would have killed you had I not got here soon enough!" Snape was clearly agitated.

"I was a foolish man, Severus," replied Dumbledore pointing at the gold ring sitting innocently on his desk, the Sword of Gryffindor lying beside it. Snape hadn't noticed the objects before, but stared at them now, confused.

"Did the ring contain the curse?" Snape asked slowly, not taking his eyes off the ring.

"Yes, but I-"

"Did you wear it?" Snape's head snapped around to look at Dumbledore; his anger was rising.

"Yes, but you-"

"And you knew it would likely have a powerful, deadly curse upon it?"  
"Yes, Severus and I-"

"Do you realise that you only have about a year to live?" Snape asked aggressively; livid that Dumbledore could have been so senseless.

"Severus, please calm down and listen to me." Snape continued to stare at the man but remained silent.

"I do understand that the consequences of my actions are severe, Severus. As I have said, it was my foolishness and lack of rationality that tempted me to wear the ring. However," Dumbledore looked into Snape's still furious face, "what's done is done and besides, there are more important things to consider at present."

Snape tried to argue.

"Don't question me, Severus, I don't have time," Dumbledore said in a strong, however calm tone. "I understand that Voldemort has ordered Draco to kill me sometime this year, is this correct?" Snape nodded, not quite liking where the conversation was heading. "Well assuming that Voldemort doesn't expect Draco to succeed, I suppose he plans for you to kill me in the end?" Dumbledore's blue eyes x-rayed the black ones.

"Yes, that is his plan."

"Well, this makes life a while lot easier, doesn't it?"

"What do you mean?" Snape asked slowly, not knowing is he really wanted the answer.

"Severus, you can't possibly think I would want Draco to fail trying to kill me, you know Voldemort will punish him most severely if he fails and I live another year. I will not have the boy die or tortured due to my survival. No. Severus, I am asking you a favour: when the time comes I want you to kill me; that way Voldemort will have no doubt about whose side you're on, Draco won't be killed and you would be of even more use to the Order which would-"

"Wait," Snape interrupted, hardly believing Dumbledore's stupidity, "you actually think the Order will listen to me? What use will I be if they think I am the murderer who killed their leader? You do realise Dumbledore, that if I kill you- and I am not saying I will- but if I do, I will no longer be able to help the Order?"

"I wouldn't be so sure about that, Severus."  
"I am not going to kill you, Dumbledore-"

"I'm going to die anyway, Severus."

"So why can't we just wait it out?"

"I would rather a quick, painless death than a long and painful one."

"Well do you want me to kill you now then, Albus?" Snape asked, sarcasm drenching his tone of voice.

Dumbledore smiled. "No, Severus for there are still many things I must do before you kill me."

"I'm not going to kill-"

"Severus," Dumbledore interrupted as if slightly impatient. "I need you to promise me that if the time comes you will prevent Draco from killing me and you yourself will do it instead. I will not have the boy's soul torn apart because of-"

"What about _my_ soul, Dumbledore?" Snape persisted, feeling somewhat childish.

"You'll be helping a friend die a quick, painless death." Dumbledore answered calmly.

"Oh, it's that simple is it?" Snape snapped back.

"I never said it would be easy, but yes, it is simple."

"This is ridiculous- this is absurd; without you the order won't stand a chance against the Dark Lord!"  
"But remember Severus, I am already dying; you killing me would just speed up the process. Anyway, it is Harry who needs to defeat Voldemort, not me."

"So you think an underage wizard of mediocre standards has a chance against the Dark Lord?"

"Yes," Dumbledore answered quietly.

"Do you have a plan then?" Snape asked somewhat aggressively.

"Yes and I intend to share my ideas with Harry this year."

Snape paused, contemplating. "What's your plan?"

"I cannot tell you, Severus as it doesn't concern you-"

"Doesn't concern me? During the past fifteen years I have followed your every order, your every request, I have risked my life for you, I've just saved your life and you still don't think I have earned the right to know of the plan or understand why I must tear my soul apart for you!" Snape yelled furiously.

Dumbledore took a deep breath as he looked at Snape with his bright blue eyes.

"There is one thing I do want you to know-"

"What is it?' Snape asked eagerly, trying to keep the contempt out of his voice.

"And," Dumbledore continued, still staring avidly into the black eyes, "you must promise me that you will do everything in your power to tell Harry, when the time is right, about this because it's very important."

Snape nodded. His heart was racing; anxious to know what was so important.

"The night Voldemort tried to kill Harry the curse rebounded off him and hit Voldemort's already damaged soul which tore apart. One piece of his soul was separated from the whole and connected itself to Harry. Harry's access into Voldemort's mind and his ability to talk to snakes is a consequence of this. So… while that portion of his soul is protected by Harry, Voldemort cannot die."

There was a pause.

"Hang on!" Snape's face contorted with disgust, "does that mean Potter must die before the Dark Lord can be killed?" Snape stared into Dumbledore's eyes as if daring him to answer.

"Yes."

"So that's your brilliant plan? To offer him as bait? Allow him to be killed for the greater good?"  
"Severus-"

"What happened to the plan of keeping him alive? You told me I could redeem myself and make it up to Lily if I helped you! I have spent the last fifteen years_ protecting_ him and now you tell me it was all for _nothing? _I do my absolute best to protect the boy and it turns out that not only have I wasted my time, but that he will die anyway? Do you realise that when you die, I will be the only person who knows my secret?"

"Isn't that what secrets are? Something only you know?"

"That's beside the point, Dumbledore! With you gone, no one will know what I have done the last fifteen years!"

"Does this mean you want to tell people why your true loyalties lie with the Order?" Dumbledore inquired peering over his half moon spectacles.

"NO!" Snape yelled defiantly. Dumbledore continued to stare. "Don't look at me as if you know better than I do! If Potter dies, which he undoubtedly will, how else am I going to make up for what I did? Lily's sacrifice would have been worthless and I will never again get the chance to redeem my actions."

"You helped him get this far, Severus. It is his destiny, can't you just accept that you've done everything in your power to ensure he is prepared for the battle that lies ahead?"  
"NO! BECAUSE I WON'T BE THERE! I WON'T BE ABLE TO HELP HIM PREPARE BECAUSE I'LL BE WITH THE DEATH EATERS, I'LL BE A MURDERER TO HIM AND HE'LL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR KILLING YOU DUMBLEDORE, I KNOW HE WON'T! AND IF HE EVER FINDS OUT THAT I AM THE DEATH EATER WHO TOLD THE DARK LORD ABOUT THE PROPHECY, WHAT HOPE DO I HAVE? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO HELP HIM? HOW CAN I DO MY _BEST_? HOW AM I GOING TO TELL HIM WHICH SIDE I AM TRULY ON? I WON'T GET THE CHANCE TO EXPLAIN-"

"So you _do _want him to know how you felt about his mother?"

"NO!"

"Well, why do you care so much? Why does it matter that he knows the truth?"

"I just want Lily to know-"

"But Lily is-"

"I know! But I just want someone- I want her to know what I have done- know how sorry I was- that I tried my best."

"But why tell-"

"You have always told me that she lives in him," tears filling the dark eyes, "you always told me Potter was a lot like his mother and his eyes are exactly like Lily's and I just- I just want her to know how sorry I am. So telling Potter is the closest I'm ever going to get to telling her but now you're telling me that I'm not going to get that chance to redeem myself? I'm just going to be a Death Eater, murderer, slimy git forever?" Snape looked away from the headmaster, shocked that he had said so much, had finally told Dumbledore _his_ plan, _his_ feelings.

"Severus?'

Snape looked up, a tear falling down his cheek.

"Pick up the ring."

"Why? What do you want me to do with it?" Snape snapped somewhat aggressively.

"Go somewhere private and turn the ring over three times in your hand."

"Why? What will happen?"

Dumbledore's eyes sparkled. "You'll see, but promise me you'll bring it back- it'll be very important for Harry's survival."

Snape nodded and picked up the ring, examining it closely, his eyes only centimeters away. The ring was made out of solid gold, its black stone had a crack down the centre where, Snape assumed Dumbledore had attempted to smash it with the sword. Snape had no idea why Dumbledore gave him the ring and why it was so important, but felt drawn to it as he rose out of his seat. As he walked he walked towards the door, Snape turned on his heel "this conversation hasn't ended, Dumbledore. I still refuse to kill you."

Dumbledore smiled and nodded, "I know, Severus."

Snape turned towards the door and left the headmaster's office.

Snape glided into his dungeon at a fast pace, haphazardly extinguished the fire beneath the now clear potion and sat at his desk. His hands shaking slightly, Snape slowly turned the ring over once- twice- three times…

Snape felt his hair blow somewhat as if a gust of wind had entered the room. Snape looked in front of him, to his right and left, but couldn't see anything, yet he was sure something just happened; he could feel it. Feeling slightly anxious, Snape stood up from his desk and walked towards the door, as if preparing to run for it. After looking up and down the corridor, the ring still clutched in his now sweaty palms, he turned around and his heart jumped inside his chest. Staring at him from behind his desk was a beautiful young woman of about seventeen, her long dark red hair escalating down her shoulders, her bright green eyes staring at Snape, a gorgeous smile that she only ever reserved for him emanated from Lily Potter. She was there, in his office and out of instinct, Snape slammed the office door and locked it with his wand.

His jaw dropped as he slowly approached the still silent Lily, not quite believing what he was seeing. Although she was not solid and therefore not alive, she was definitely there, more than a ghost as if she were a memory; someone he could see but not touch or speak to. He continued to stare into her eyes, mixed emotions filling him up, those of love, sorrow and grief. She looked exactly as she did the last time he saw her, their last day of seventh year, but more beautiful- if that was possible. Snape walked around his desk and was glad to see that she was standing, rather than floating on the spot. For the first time in fifteen years, Snape smiled. Lily continued to smile back.

But as quickly as his smile began Snape's face contorted, ashamed and guilt ridden and suddenly the memory of what he had done settled in the pit of his stomach as he stared at the floor. Since the day Lily died, Snape had planned out in his mind what he would say to Lily if he ever saw her again. He thought about apologizing, telling her how he felt and still feels about her, even though he knew she wouldn't be able to respond. But Snape couldn't bring himself to speak and braved a look into Lily's gorgeous, green eyes once again. Although he still loved the woman before him, he didn't feel love but hurt and guilt as if the reality of what he did fifteen years ago was only now being realised. The ghost-like form of Lily Potter was still smiling at him as if encouraging him to smile again. But he couldn't. The corners of Snape's mouth lowered as he frowned, contemplating what he should say to Lily- it did not matter whether she heard him or not, he just had to say something.

"Why are you so miserable, Severus?" Lily asked, greatly amused by the expression on her friend's face.

Snape looked up, shocked that the beautiful sound of Lily's voice was not lost in her death; he thought he'd never hear her speak again.

"You- you can speak?" Snape asked stupidly.

"Of course I can speak!"  
"Well why haven't you said anything in the last ten minutes that I have been standing here looking at you?" Snape asked, slightly annoyed.

"I was completely content with watching you, Severus. I never thought I'd see you again."

"Oh… well I didn't think you'd want to see me again," Snape mumbled.

"That's crazy, Sev! Why wouldn't I want to see you? Talk to you? We were best friends, remember?"  
"But I thought after I called you a-" Snape couldn't say the word; the day he lost his friendship with Lily still haunted him.

"Mudblood," Lily helped him along.

"I thought you hated me- no longer wanted to be friends with me."  
"Yes that's what I said, but I was angry, hurt and embarrassed because you proved James right- that you really were a muggle-hating, dark arts lover." Snape bowed his head. He thought about arguing with her to try and justify his actions that day, but there was no point; there was no excuse for calling her such a terrible name.

Desperate to change the subject away from James and his childhood, Snape asked: "So, what is this ring? How did you get here?"

"That stone in the ring isn't any old stone, Severus; it's the Resurrection Stone!"

"What? _The _Resurrection Stone?"

"Yes, the one we read about in the Tales of Beedle the Bard during our first year."

Snape smiled at the memory. Then becoming serious again asked: "So basically, I have reawakened you from death?"  
"I guess so; you can see me and we can talk to each other. Even though I am dead, I feel pretty alive, it's kind of cool don't you think?" Lily asked excitedly, expecting Snape to laugh and smile. However, Snape was lost in thought.

"Why did you come here?"

"Why wouldn't I come and speak to you, Severus?" asked Lily looking concerned. After a few silent moments, Lily continued. "Do you remember how we used to wonder who we'd resurrect if we had the chance? We always said we'd resurrect each other if the other had died?" Snape nodded. "Well you've kept your word haven't you?" Lily smiled.

"Lily?"

"Mmmm?"

"You don't know what my Patronus is, do you?" Even though Snape knew it was a strange question, he had to ask

Lily couldn't help herself, she smiled broadly, her green eyes glittering as she nodded. Snape had only ever produced his Patronus once in his life, and that was only three years ago.

"She's beautiful isn't she?" Lily said dreamily as if remembering the lessons she'd conjure the doe and the many times she used it when she was in the Order of the Phoenix.

Snape was still anxious that Lily would bring up the circumstances under which he conjured the Patronus. When he saw his Patronus for the first time he was shocked, but having seen the Patronus many times before, conjured by Lily, he had no doubt as to why his Patronus was also a doe. But-

"You're very silent. You used to talk a lot when we were at Hogwarts. You okay?"

"How do you know about my Patronus?"

"I saw you conjure it."

Snape's heart sank. "But you were dead when I conjured it for the first time."

"I still saw it."  
"But-"

"Do you think that your Patronus simply means that you love me? No, Severus, it means that I live in you; like I'm a part of you." Snape felt happier than he ever remembered feeling; Lily didn't only live in Potter, but in him too. After all these years, he never thought that was possible…

"Do you want to talk about why you decided to conjure the Patronus that day, or do you want to leave it?"  
"I'm not proud of it."  
"I know," Lily smiled, encouraging her friend to speak.

"When I became conscious that night and saw the Dementors leave the lake because they were being chased by a stag, I had no qualms about who conjured it. But Potter was only in his third year and nowhere near capable of producing a corporeal Patronus so I concluded that it was an illusion; that it was just someone else. But deep inside, I knew it was Potter's Patronus- I hated to admit it to myself. I had never produced a Patronus before, even in seventh year, it was the one thing I couldn't do- I couldn't think of a happy enough memory. But after seeing your son's Patronus, I was determined to produce one; I couldn't stand your son being able to do magic that I couldn't. So after many attempts I finally managed to produce the doe…"

Smiling, Lily replied "well if you were ever willing to admit it, you could have seen me everyday, whenever you looked at Harry-"  
"As well as the uncanny resemblance he has with his father," Snape interrupted. "Do you realise what it is like to look at Potter and see James' body with your eyes? How do you expect me to be nice to someone who looks like that?"  
"Well, why not?" Lily demanded, affronted by Snape's attack on her husband and son.

"Nothing- don't worry," Snape said quickly, not wanting to fight with Lily.

"Do you, after so many years still have something against James? I know he was terrible to you when we were at Hogwarts, I won't defend his actions. But he- _we_ have been dead for fifteen years and you still haven't moved on? I have watched you Severus, I see you teach your students, how you obviously favour the Slytherins over every other student. It's okay to favour your own house, but you make the other students' lives miserable! You don't even care!"

Snape was feeling worse and worse by the minute. He wished he could argue and defend his actions, but there was no defence; he knew she was right.

"Remember when you were young, Severus? And you were being bullied by James and Sirius? You hated it! But you only fought back when they attacked first, they started and you followed. You didn't want trouble and you had pity for others who became victims of their tricks! I remember you talking to me about it, oh how I hated them for what they did to you! And now look at you. Nineteen years later you are the bully, making everybody hate the subject you teach because of the way you treat them and intimidate them! You made no exceptions for my son or even for Neville as I'm sure you know about the fate of his parents? And I know you'll just say that you're a spy for Dumbledore, that you have to pretend to hate them so that the Malfoy boy and the other Slytherins won't suspect your true loyalties but even when they had detention with you, you couldn't be nice once, not _once_ in your life! Put aside your past for one second and show them the decency that James and Sirius never showed you! Don't you sympathise with them? How do you think I feel when I watch you treat my son that way?"

"Lily," Snape wished she would stop; it was becoming too painful to bear.

"You've changed, Severus! What happened to the guy I used to be best friends with? Laugh with? Sit, eat and talk with? What happened to you?" Lily's green eyes were swimming in tears.

Snape couldn't stop the tears prickling his eyes as he replied quietly.

"Of course I have changed, Lily, it's been nineteen years since we left seventh year, I'm thirty-six now! I look at you and you're just how I remember you as a seventeen year old- you haven't lived through as much as I have."

"So that's an excuse to be rude and deceitful to my son and his friends? Not to mention the thousands of students who must enter this gloomy dungeon to only be tortured and mocked. You've changed, Severus- changed so much that I hardly recognise you! What's happened to you?" Lily demanded again.

Snape couldn't take it any longer as his sorrow, regret and anger boiled over.

"You died, that's what happened!" he yelled, grief and pain tearing at his heart.

Lily's face froze as if considering her friend's answer, not quite knowing what to say. There was a long pause.

"Severus-"

"It does not matter anymore; the damage, as you have clearly pointed out, has already been done, Lily."

"But, don't you want to talk about it?" asked Lily, still shocked by her friend's outburst.

Snape shook his head "it's just who I am now and I'm not sorry for being me."

"But this isn't you, Sev! I knew the real you, which apparently was lost the day I died!" Lily was upset that her death not only meant her absence from the world, but the loss of the best friend she used to know and love.

"I felt guilty- was completely distraught that I lost you- that you died and for weeks I thought I died with you- but then I realised I hadn't died, I just needed to release my anger and pain. I took it out on my students and yes- that is still continuing to this day- perhaps I am the mean, despicable, dark arts lover your husband always thought I was!"

"Severus!"

"And I don't care what you say! Self pity and guilt is the worst possible feeling and I have tortured myself long enough to know pain so don't tell me your son's life and those of his friends have been worse because of me; the pain I inflict on them is NOTHING compared to what I inflict upon myself!" Snape was breathing deeply as he stared into Lily's eyes.

"I understand that life hasn't been easy for you, Severus and I am so sorry you had to go through that without telling anyone except Dumbledore as to why you were so traumatized by my death, someone you loved. Keeping secrets is very difficult; it takes a lot out of you and yet you have been working as a double agent for Dumbledore for so many years. To keep such a huge secret reflects your strength, bravery and your understanding that the pain the secret causes you will, in the end, be worth it. I totally understand why Dumbledore's request for you to kill him would have troubled you; your sacrifice, it seems, was for nothing- that pain was all for nothing. But it WAS for something, Severus. It may have led to many years of traumatizing students, but ultimately you demonstrated the fact that loyalty, keeping your word and love truly is more powerful than any magic created by a wand and that is something I would never have expected from a Slytherin. Honestly, I think Dumbledore was right in saying that Hogwarts sorts students into their houses too soon." Snape looked up at Lily, shocked that she remembered the small, passing comment Dumbledore said to him only two years ago.

"Imagine if you were in Gryffindor, Sev? Obviously Dumbledore thinks you should have been and so do I. See? You proved something, it wasn't a waste!" Lily was smiling at Snape, hoping that he would become slightly cheerful at this perspective.

"I have proven something good to you and to Dumbledore, but everyone else already does or will think I have proven that I am the worst of men, that I am worse than most Death Eaters, a coward and betrayer of Dumbledore. Lily, I don't feel like I've proven anything."

"Well why don't you tell people what you have-"

Snape sneered. "You think they'll believe me? What will I say to your son? 'Oh and by the way Potter, the memory you saw in the Pensieve last year is my worst memory because that was the day your mother stopped talking to me- and also, I loved your mother and didn't want her to die'. I'm sure he'd really believe that." Snape said; his voice full of sarcasm.

"I'm sure he will," Lily replied defiantly.

"I was being sarcastic-"

"But I wasn't, Severus. I think he will listen to you if you say it with feeling."

"Look, there is no point in talking about this because I am never going to talk about it with anyone, not even your son!"

"Well how are you going to prove yourself to people if they don't know the real you- if they don't know what you have done?"  
"I don't know, Lily! It doesn't matter; there are more important things to worry about."

"But what if you die before you get the chance to tell him? You'd regret not telling him, won't you?"

"Perhaps, but that'll be my choice won't it?"  
"Well, maybe not Severus; by the sound of things Voldemort is getting more powerful by the day, I'm sure a battle will rage very soon, you could-"

"I won't die-"

"But _if _you think that you may, please promise me you'll try and find Harry and tell him about the past, our past. Do it for me if not for yourself."

Snape paused. Finally he nodded.

"I'll do it for you."

"Thank you, Sev."

"So what do you think I should do about Dumbledore's plan? Do you think I should kill him, if the time should come?" Snape asked his friend eagerly, hoping she'd have an answer.

"I think you- I think you should, but only because I believe that Dumbledore's plans usually work and if that means the end of Voldemort's reign, then perhaps making that sacrifice again, killing another friend, would perhaps be worth it. Even though my son would hate you for it, in the end doing what Dumbledore asks makes you that much stronger, more courageous and very loyal to the greatest wizard of all time- and if my son knew you were following Dumbledore's orders, not even he could hate you for it."

Snape looked doubtful.

"It will be a terrible blow to the wizarding world when Dumbledore dies, but remember he is dying anyway, so you may as well make it appear like you are killing him as your enemy rather than your friend- Voldemort will love you for it won't he?"  
"Doing something that he couldn't do? I doubt it…"

"Well regardless, he'll have no doubt that you are on his side and as we already know, love is much more powerful than magic. Perhaps one day you'll get to talk to Harry and reveal your loyalty to me and to Dumbledore and when that day comes, I think the two of you will be able to thwart Voldemort easily."  
"I think you're being a bit hopeful," Snape couldn't help smiling slightly.

"Perhaps, but isn't it worth a try?"

"Maybe," Snape agreed half heartedly.

"Well whatever you decide to do I'll be with you all the way. And also, try not to let your anger get the better of you, I know it's hard, but just try to be a bit nicer to Harry and his friends this year, okay?" Lily asked with a slight plead in her voice.

"It sounds like you're leaving."

"Well, only if you let me; you've got to drop the stone before I can go."

"But-" Snape didn't want Lily to go; he wanted to talk to Lily for the rest of his life.

"It's okay, Sev. I'm not really going, I'm just disappearing, I guess. You can't see me, but I'm still a part of you." Snape nodded.

"Well, I loved talking with you Severus… I really miss you, you know?"

"I miss you too," Snape whispered under his breath. Lily smiled.

"Good luck, Sev," said Lily in a more serious, however loving tone

Snape nodded in response; not trusting himself to speak incase he lost control of his emotions.

"And if you do happen to get the chance to tell Harry about us, show him your Patronus. I know that if he saw our doe, he'd listen to you, give you a chance to speak. He knows that a Patronus reveals the good within the conjurer- they never lie. You can't fake your love for me and Harry will see that.

Snape nodded.

"Bye, Sev."

"Bye, Lily" Snape dropped the ring as Lily's dark red hair, bright green eyes and loving smile disappeared before his eyes. Picking it up again, Snape pocketed the piece of gold, and with tears pouring silently down his pale face, Snape left his office slamming the door behind him.


	2. Chapter 2: Making a Difference

Chapter 2: 'Making a Difference'

"Chocolate frog", Snape muttered at the gargoyle. The staircase revealed itself as he walked towards the headmaster's office.

"Come in," Dumbledore requested in answer to Snape's knock. Severus pushed open the door, the Resurrection Stone still clutched tightly in his hand.

"Oh, hello Severus," Dumbledore said brightly, though the tiredness in his voice was unmistakable. "I see you've brought back the ring just like I asked."

Snape nodded and placed the ring on Dumbledore's desk.

"So have you decided what you want to do yet?"

Although Snape knew exactly what Dumbledore was alluding to, he answered naively. "Do what, Dumbledore?" Dumbledore looked over his half moon spectacles and x-rayed the man with his blue eyes.

"I am not fooled, Severus," he answered smiling. "You know very well what."

Snape looked away from Dumbledore, thinking. In honour of Lily's sacrifice and wishes, Snape wanted- needed to heed her advice and obey Dumbledore, even if that meant tearing his soul apart.

"Fine, Dumbledore. Your plan worked. If the time ever comes, I'll kill you just as you request," Snape stated bitterly.

"My plan worked? What plan, Severus?"  
Snape sneered, "I am not fooled either Dumbledore. You knew the stone in the ring was the Resurrection Stone."

Dumbledore looked slightly ashamed at this, but nevertheless nodded, smiling.

"I'm happy to know that my plans still work. Who did you resurrect?"  
"I didn't choose to resurrect anyone because I didn't know what the ring was. Surely you realised that?"  
"So whoever turned up must have been the person or people you would have chosen had you known the true function of the ring."

Snape nodded.

"So who was it?" Dumbledore asked as he rested his chin on his hands.

"Don't act stupid, Dumbledore; you knew who would turn up which is why you gave it to me. You knew she'd change my mind- knew that all I needed was her support…"

"So it was Lily?" Dumbledore inquired as if negotiating a business contract.

"Of course it was Lily!" Snape yelled, frustrated that Dumbledore was treating him like an unfeeling machine rather than a human being.

"There's no need to yell Severus." Dumbledore said calmly.

But Snape was beside himself. "This is all a game to you, isn't it Dumbledore? You'll do whatever you have to to get people to do what you want! I'm like a pawn in your big game and you don't even care to tell me the rules! The plan! You don't care what I experienced, how I felt when I saw Lily reawaken from Death. Hell, you even knew that I wouldn't want to resurrect her which is why you didn't tell me the ring's true power; you knew I would not want to bring her into this game of yours. You knew Lily would come to me, but the difficulty was getting me to use the thing in the first place! My naivety regarding the stone allowed your plan to work. It doesn't matter to you what she said or how she convinced me to follow your orders; all you care about is that she did- she did what you hoped she would! But that's fine, Albus; I'll do it, I'll kill you so that your plan succeeds, but I'm not doing it for you; I'm doing it for her!" Snape had stood up and was shooting daggers out of his black eyes and into the headmaster's blue ones.

Dumbledore's face had turned pale and the old wizard remained extremely still as he processed what his colleague- his friend had yelled at him. Finally he answered in a quiet tone of reason. "There is some truth in your words, Severus. Only I know how important it is that my plans succeed. But I am not being selfish; like you said earlier tonight, it is all for the greater good. If Harry is to succeed and fulfill the prophecy, I will sacrifice my trust and friendship with you if that means you'll do as I ask. This isn't about me, but the Wizarding World as we know it. I don't need to tell you what the world would be like if Voldemort survives, Severus. So all I ask is that you accept that there are some things I need you to do, not for me, not for Lily, but for every other witch, wizard and muggle who may be subjected to Voldemort's power if we fail."

"I don't care about other people; the only person I care about is Lily."

"But Lily is-"

"I know what Lily is, Dumbledore!' Snape shouted.

"What about Harry?"  
"Well if your plan works, why should I give a damn about him? He's going to die anyway, thanks to you!"

"Yet you would do anything for Lily, who is already dead?" Dumbledore asked patiently.

"Yes, because I killed her! I have to redeem myself somehow! I want her to have a say."

"But what about your say, Severus?"  
"Who cares about what I think? If you don't, no one else will!"

"I do care about what you-"

"Don't _lie_, Albus! Who cares if a few people die, get injured or have their soul torn apart if that means the Dark Lord is destroyed? I'm just one of those insignificant people who you expect to suffer for the rest of the world. Like Lily sacrificed her life! I suppose you're glad she stood in front of Harry, because if she didn't, there wouldn't be a 'chosen one', there'd be no hope for any of us."

"Lily's death was not my fault-"

"No, of course not! It was mine!" Snape yelled hysterically. "If I wasn't so weak as to obey the Dark Lord, if I had only known the traumatic consequences of my actions I would have saved the world a lot of grief. Trust me, Dumbledore, no one regrets it more than I!"

"I do not think you should take all the credit for what has happened."  
"You make it sound like some kind of reward."  
"Of course it isn't a reward, Severus. Listen to me. If it wasn't you who found out about the prophecy it would've been another Death Eater. Or if Voldemort never found out, he would have been at the height of his power several years ago, invincible against everyone, including me. If Voldemort never found out, Harry wouldn't have been able to speak Parseltongue and save Ginny Weasley in his second year. And if his very essence wasn't filled with Lily's sacrifice, Quirrell would have strangled him to death in his first year. Ironically Harry and many others have survived because of his mother's very brave and loving sacrifice, because you were 'weak'- as you put it. Ultimately, Harry lives because of your mistake, Severus. One day Voldemort will be defeated all because of you!"

"Am I supposed to feel glorified? Should I feel like a hero because I have saved the world?"

"Well it is one way to look at it, Severus."

"How can you say that? The death of the Potters saved the world from thirteen years of misery. To you and many others perhaps their sacrifice was worth it, but I am sure Potter doesn't see it that way."  
"I am surprised, Severus; I never thought I would live to hear you sympathise with Harry."

"At the moment, I find it easier to empathise with him than with you! At least Potter would understand-"

"What don't I understand?" Dumbledore asked, x-raying Snape with his bright blue eyes again.

"That they were people, Albus! Even James! They were parents, friends and members of the Order of the Phoenix. They fought for you- risked their lives for your cause and just like Potter will, Lily and James died for your stupid plan. Haven't you ever considered the possibility that while Lily's sacrifice was instrumental to your plan-"

"Are you implying that I did not care for James and Lily? That I did not mourn for their lives?" Dumbledore asked somewhat aggressively.

"No. I have no doubt that you grieved for them, perhaps you even felt slightly responsible. What I am saying is that while you may view their deaths as a good thing, some of us don't see it that way!"

"Are you including yourself in that assertion? You actually think James' death was not a good thing? That he didn't deserve it?"

Snape paused momentarily. "No, he didn't deserve it…"

Dumbledore was eyeing Snape suspiciously as if doubting his assertion.

Snape elaborated. "He may have made my life hell and he may have married Lily but no one, except perhaps the Dark Lord himself, deserves to be killed and remembered only as someone who died for the plan and the greater good. Their memories and lives deserve more than that!"

"You seem awfully upset about this, Severus. Perhaps you are afraid that you too will be remembered as an instrument rather than a human being?" Dumbledore asked kindly.

"This isn't about my fears, Dumbledore! Of course I am upset; how did you expect me to react when you asked me who I resurrected? Something so personal and you treat it like an everyday occurrence, like I'm used to the spirit of Lily Potter appearing in my office. It's not like we had a happy talk for an hour, which is probably what you thought happened. No- she yelled at me for treating her son like shit and for not moving on from James and his treatment of me. She did not understand how I could have been such a good person and then turned into someone she hardly recognised! She said that I treat all my students with indifference or strong dislike- she thinks I traumatize them on purpose! How was I supposed to tell Lily that I just don't care for anyone else but her? I'm not a terrible person…"

"Well, that's debatable Severus."  
"Fine! I am a terrible person- a coward- a weak, pathetic human being who cares for no one but his best friend!"

"She _was_ your best friend, but she has passed away now and besides, she was more than a friend to you." replied Dumbledore as if telling Snape where he went wrong in an arithmacy exam.

"The technicalities are unnecessary Dumbledore! The fact is I would do anything for Lily and if that means killing you at the end of this year then so be it! It will just be another credential to add to my record breaking cruelty."

"You'll be doing me a favour-"

"No, I'll be doing Lily a favour, no one else."

"Wow, Severus, your love truly is endless."

Snape froze. "Perhaps it is," Snape muttered through clenched teeth.

"I'm sure Harry would be interested to-"

"I already promised Lily I'd tell him if I the opportunity came."  
"Really?"  
"What? You think I won't keep my promise?"  
"No, Severus, I do not have any doubts about your capability to love."  
"Would you stop saying that word?"  
"What? Love? It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"I know that- I just don't know if I can keep my promise; she asked me to be nicer to Potter this year and I don't know if can…"  
"Then perhaps your love isn't endless; it has its boundaries; your hate for James just overpowers your love for Lily."  
"Well, thankfully Potter didn't get high enough marks to continue Potions. Perhaps I will hardly see him this year." Snape looked hopeful.

"Unfortunately, that won't be the case, Severus." Dumbledore answered solemnly.

"Why? What do you mean?"

"Your wish has finally been granted- I am appointing you as the Defence against the Dark Arts professor this year."

Snape paused, thinking. He had always wanted the job, but he knew, as Dumbledore did, that the position was cursed. Nevertheless, Snape thought the appointment made sense; if he was to kill Dumbledore at the end of the year, there is no way he'd be allowed to remain at Hogwarts.

"So who's going to be teaching Potions?"

"Horace Slughorn, if I can convince him to come."  
"Didn't he retire soon after I graduated from Hogwarts?"

"Yes, but I am hoping he will be willing to return."  
"Couldn't you just keep me as Potions Master and employ another useless Defence against the Dark Arts teacher?"

"You surprise me, Severus; I thought you would be delighted to get the job you always wanted."  
"I am, but why force Slughorn out of retirement?"

"Don't you like Horace?"

Snape paused, "Not really, with his stupid Slug Club-"

"Just because you weren't a member."

Snape looked angrily at Dumbledore, but suddenly felt more curious than angry. "Is there a reason why you want him to return? Is there something you aren't telling me?"

Dumbledore remained silent.

"It's a part of the plan isn't it?" Snape asked Dumbledore, demanding answers. The headmaster remained silent, but Snape was thinking fast.

"Is that why you wanted me to brew some Veritaserum?"

Dumbledore nodded. "Very clever, Severus."  
"So he knows something you don't?" Snape asked both confused and surprised.

"I have my suspicions," Snape was about to inquire still further, but Dumbledore interrupted. "But surely you aren't complaining Severus? You always told me you wanted to teach Defence against the Dark Arts so you could dictate to the students how best to protect themselves against dark magic. You of all people should know the intricate details of the Dark Arts, having studied them extensively in your youth. Also, I think it is the perfect year for you to teach the students something so important, especially for Harry, for we can be certain a battle is coming. You will be able to help your students, yet another way to redeem yourself for your actions."

"Perhaps,"  
"So you really do care people after all, even if you don't want to admit it."  
"I care for Lily, no one else" Snape replied dismissively.

"You may say that and maybe it is true, but with a Patronus like yours and what it represents, I don't think it's possible for you to not care for others, including Harry."  
Snape froze, staring avidly into Dumbledore's eyes wondering how he could have known- perhaps he was guessing.

"You've seen my Patronus?" Snape asked seriously.

"Yes, Severus," Dumbledore answered smiling.

"How- when?" Snape asked, panicking slightly; surely he did not get into office when he was talking to Lily.

"When you produced it for the first time three years ago, I did not think you'd be able to do it, but alas, I must eat my words."  
"Thanks."

"There's no need to be offended, Severus; not even you thought you could do it. It is amazing what jealousy, determination and love can do isn't it?"  
Snape nodded.

"Anyway, as I was saying, you do care about people- perhaps very deep inside- but nevertheless you do care; it is not possible to love a woman so much and not care at all for anyone else on the planet. So if you are determined enough and if you truly love Lily you will be able to be nice to her son, just as you promised her."

Snape nodded again, lost for anything to say.

"Well I think that's all I need to say for now. If you wish, Severus, you may leave; I really need to get some rest…"

Snape slowly rose out of his chair. Realizing that his legs were taking him towards the door, Snape spun around and asked: "Albus?"

"Yes, Severus?" Dumbledore know what was coming.

"How _did_ you see my Patronus?" I locked the door that night, just like I did tonight when I was talking to Lily in my office."

Dumbledore smiled, "there are ways of opening a locked door, Severus; you just have to know what the door is hiding." Snape looked shocked, astounded that he still had so much to learn about the intricacies of magic.

"And Lily was right, Severus, you _have_ changed," Dumbledore's eyes glittered as Snape's opened wide with amazement and surprise, "but that is all a part of the plan."

As Dumbledore ascended the stairs to his sleeping quarters, Snape stood at the office door, his hand on the door knob, lost in thought.

Suddenly, Snape shouted after Dumbledore: "So tell me then, what is my Patronus?"

Dumbledore paused at the top of the stairwell, turned around and faced his friend, smiling again.

"I have seen that Patronus many times, Severus. I always thought Lily's doe was absolutely beautiful. But when I saw the doe coming out of your wand, somehow she was more radiant, more pure and much more beautiful. I never thought it possible; a Patronus being created by a wizard who was normally so full of contempt and hate. I was pleasantly surprised; I knew you loved Lily, you told me so the night we joined alliances, but that- that is much deeper than love, Severus…" Dumbledore continued to walk around the corner, towards his bedroom.

Snape continued to stare after the headmaster, still lost in thought; perhaps the headmaster knew him better than he ever gave him credit for? After all, people can't be a part of your plan if you don't understand them. Though Dumbledore didn't say it as such, his plan, as Snape realised, wasn't to save the world but to encourage that desire in others. Snape felt sure that one day, Harry, like his parents before him, will be forced to die for the greater good. But at that moment, as he stood in Dumbledore's office, Snape felt sure that if given the choice between their own lives or those of their friends and the rest of the wizarding world, each of them would have chosen the lives of many millions of people over their own.

Maybe Dumbledore wanted him to realise that some people, like Lily and James, are willing to make that sacrifice…

Snape shook himself free of his reverie and let himself out of Dumbledore's office. As he walked towards the dungeons once again Lily's young, fourteen year old voice echoed in his ears: "you can be so much better than them, Sev! While they may not realise that there is more to life than themselves and their power, you know different! The world is _so_ much bigger than us! Your decision to leave your friends really can make all the difference! Listen to me, Sev! We can make a difference!"

Snape sat at his desk, his head resting in his hands as Lily's words continued to cycle around his mind.

_If only I listened to her._

But he didn't; he didn't have enough courage to leave the power the Dark Arts afforded him.

While Snape may still be mad at Dumbledore for using Lily as a ploy to get him to cooperate, he also realised that the headmaster valued her sacrifice and knew she was a person, as he did. But as Severus was beginning to realise, her death, as Dumbledore already knew, made a difference- something she always believed she could do… something he could do.

Happy that he had managed to do something that Lily asked of him, Snape smiled to himself as he went to bed.

_I made a difference…_


End file.
